Our Story—Debby Damiani

On March 27, 2004 our daughter Laura Giselle will be one year old. As her birthday approaches, I am constantly reminded of the circumstances surrounding her birth. “This time last year I was doing this or that……” and “this time last year I was here or there….” are recurring thoughts. Like any other mother, I’ll always remember every single moment of her birth and cherish any opportunity to tell my story.

I was working full-time and had been at the same company for eleven years. I informed my employer of my intention to return to work after my maternity leave. We had my first daughter, Ava, in daycare and by the time I was ready to have Laura I was used to the daily routine. Plus my sister was our daycare provider and that gave us such a strong sense of security; Ava was loved and nurtured at my sister’s daycare and had many little friends. My husband, Vinny, and I felt that we needed my income, but there was a part of me that daydreamed about staying home and becoming a full-time mother. I was very conflicted about my choice to continue to work full-time. But we made our decision and committed to it.

When I was 34 weeks pregnant my doctor informed me that I was measuring small, only 29 weeks, and I was sent for an ultrasound. On our way to the hospital for the scan, Vinny asked me, “What will we do if they say we must have the baby today?” In my usual fashion, I assumed that I knew just how things would play out and that if anything, my pregnancy would be delayed in order to give the baby a chance to grow more. Besides, we simply weren’t ready! My husband was in the midst of painting the entire second level of our home and as a result, we hadn’t gotten any baby things down from the attic. No car seat, no bassinette, no clothing items. I felt confident as we walked into the scanning room that everything would be alright. My confidence quickly vanished as the technician discovered an abnormality in the blood flow to the placenta. That explained the baby’s low weight. My doctor was consulted and we were told we were having the baby that very day.

Imagine my surprise! My husband and I were stunned by this new turn of events. I remember how I nearly collapsed and had to be helped to a chair, and Vinny actually said to the doctor, “But doctor, can’t we wait? I’m painting our whole upstairs!” We got our answer to that soon enough as within the hour I was in a labor/delivery room being closely monitored while we waited to be taken to an operating room for our baby’s caesarian birth. While family members were being called I kept remembering something my mother-in-law often says: man makes plans and God laughs. How true.

Laura’s birth was uncomplicated and she was pronounced a healthy, squawking 4.2 pounds. It was as she was being cleaned up that the words ‘Down syndrome’ were uttered for the first time in my life in direct connection to me. My baby was born six weeks early, wasn’t that enough? Now we’re being told that there was a chance she had DS? I accepted her early birth but I could not accept Down syndrome. It was unexpected and unwelcome news. How could one day turn into such a nightmare? I wasn’t even able to hold her as the doctors whisked her away to the special care nursery; I spent hours in recovery alone, yet surrounded by the cries of other babies.

The next time I was able to see Laura she was inside an isolette in the special care nursery. There were many wires attached to her; I felt intimidated and helpless. One of Laura’s nurses was very special. She helped me to see the bright side of Laura’s circumstances. My baby did not have any heart disease, no feeding difficulties, no thyroid dysfunction, and no gastro-intestinal complications. Laura remained in the special care nursery for ten days only to monitor her feedings and to regulate her temperature. During that time I came to realize how blessed we were with Laura. There were babies situated all around us with severe and chronic illnesses. After my discharge from the hospital I returned every day and spent hours in the nursery just holding Laura close and rocking her. I fed her and changed her and just gazed at her. I began to thank God for the gift of Laura. Even when the results of the genetic testing were given to us, the positive diagnosis of Down syndrome was by then expected and accepted. I focused on getting Laura home, making her a part of our family, and loving her to no end.

The best part of my story is, because of Laura’s diagnosis with DS and its unknowns to us, my husband and I decided that I should quit my job and stay at home to care for our two children. Even after the trauma of Laura’s birth and her diagnosis, I was still conflicted about leaving my employer so unexpectedly, only because I had given my word that I would return. I had responsibilities, co-workers were counting on me, I was needed. But in my heart I knew where I was needed most. The day I called to tender my resignation, the president of my company said, in a way to sum up what had happened to me, “this is what you call a curve ball.” I’ve since come to the conclusion that I’d much rather deal with a curve ball than miss the whole game.

My first year at home has passed and I have made the adjustment from busy, harried, stressed-out employee to busy, harried, stressed-out mom. I so much prefer the latter! Laura is doing wonderfully. She slept through the night at nine weeks old and never gives me a day of trouble. She weighs about 22 pounds and is learning to sit up. She’s got bright blue eyes, chubby, kissable cheeks, two bottom teeth and she’s just adorable! She loves to play with her big sister. Her therapy sessions are going well. The circumstances surrounding Laura’s birth may not have been what I had hoped for, but then again, if it weren’t for those exact circumstances we wouldn’t have Laura. Laura is surrounded by family and friends who love and adore her. She has a bright future and I’m blessed to be a part of it. God chose me to be her mother and it brings me such unbounded joy and satisfaction. And when she looks at me with love light in her eyes, there’s no place I’d rather be.